Me and My Second Chance of Life

“Mom, I do not want to postpone my courses at the university. I want to graduate on time.” I sobbed uncontrollably from a side of a phone call.

The worst thing happened lately. I said once to my brother who was doing his master study in the Netherlands at that time, “Is this a sign for me, brother? I desperately feel like in the edge of my life… I still want to live my life as well.”

It was 2009. I was a third-year student at the university in my home country. By that far, things were doing fine. The academic stuffs ran well. Day by day, there were a lot of enjoyable moments to share with friends. I was busy with some extra activities, such as being a deputy in the executive student board at faculty, getting involved in some charity events, and participating in several sport competitions.

However, that was not good for that day. It was exactly in Idul Fitri Day (Islamic special day in a year after Ramadhan month) when I found a bit strange inside my neck. There was a swelling inside the right side of my neck. I was off to bed earlier. I wished in the following day everything would just be okay. In fact, I could not totally wake up and being far away from my bed in the day after. My body temperature was increasing and I felt a syndrome of fever. I called my mother via phone since my parents were living in our hometown in West Sumatera province. I told the weird things about swelling, neck, and fever. As a practitioner in medical sector, my mother suggested me to take a rest for a whole day and get a medicine that was already prepared by her in case of daily needs.

The story was different in the next couple of weeks. I lost 8 kgs of my weight during that very short time. I often felt chocked and quite difficult to swallow foods through the throat. I was really discomfort with the swelling inside my neck. That was becoming worse when blood frequently came out from my nose. At that time, I started to seriously worry about my health. I visited a doctor to do check-up, blood tests, and X-Ray investigation. But, he still could not predict clearly what happened to me. So, he gave me some medicines. He asked me to contact him immediately, if I found that things turn to worse case (in fact, I contacted him oftentimes).

In campus life, there was a crucial time for us as the students. That was a mid-term of examination for the first semester in my third year. To be honest, I could not keep my mind focused on studying. While my friends were busy to study, I was dying of afraid and worried about my body. Once in a time of a subject examination, the-so-called Mass Transfer examination, my nose was bleeding excessively. I missed a quarter time of that examination to stop the bleeding in the rest room.

Walking through the days approaching, that was the unforgettable moment in my life. Not only feeling chocked, at that time I started to find some difficulties to speak. Meanwhile, fever and bleeding nose were common for everyday. That was an unstable condition of my body temperature. Some people suggested me to leave the courses at the university and get an intensive treatment at hospital. In fact, I did not want to diminish my activities at campus, since I knew that it would be more frustrating if I spent all the time to think about my health problem. So, I kept spending my days at my rented room and going to join in the classes at the university. The difference was, day by day, I lost the motivation in my life. It was very easy for me to cry a lot in my room. On the top of that, I was really afraid of dying. No, no, I did not prepare myself as my best for that. I suffered all of those for another couple of weeks. I was continuously losing my weight. Choked. Hard to swallow. Difficult to speak. Lost my spirit.

It was one month after the first time when I found that swelling neck in Idul Fitri day. Finally, the doctor came to his decision to do a surgery. At that moment, he made a decision of surgery for the following day. It means the surgery action was an emergency one. I really did not have any ideas anymore. Should I be afraid of syringe, anesthetic, and surgical stuffs? How painful that would be? I did not care anymore about that. What I was really worried was how if I cannot wake up anymore after the surgery action. It was a very emotional moment for me in my life. I cried, I sobbed for some hours. In the late night of that day, I woke up for Tahajjud pray (a special pray held in the midnight, normally around 2 or 3 AM). I said to The Creator of mine, “Dear God, please give me life. Let me be a wholesome person who gives merit to the people.”

In the following day, I entered to the surgery room. My family signed an agreement letter that states an approval for the operation. I was totally anesthetized. At the seconds after that, I whispered to God, “Dear, God, please let me live. Please, please..” and then I lost my consciousness. Several hours later, I woke up assisted by oxygen supply from equipment in the post-surgery room. There I found a face of my brother. He asked me, “What makes you feel painful now? I am here with you. Do not be afraid.” Not yet be able to speak, partially becoming conscious, I asked myself, “Where am I? If I am still alive, thanks, God.” Then, I lost my consciousness again; slept in my deep feeling of everything.

Thanks, God. Alhamdulillah. I am alive today. God gives me another chance for that. For that time of 2009, the doctor rescued me from an infection of lymph. Yes, it needed a serious treatment to be fully recovered. I spent a nine-months medical treatment for that. Actually, that was really much and much better than what the doctor predicted before the surgery. “It was a possibility for tumor or cancer. You should thank God because it was not. Get a life now,” he said.

Yes, get a life. I do and I will, as my promise to my Lord at the night before the surgery. Thanks, God, today I am fully recovered, totally healthy. Thanks, God, today I am alive. Thanks, God, for this second chance of my life.

*Thanks to my family who always support me in good and bad times (thank you is not always enough for this). Thanks to my friends who were been there in 2009. Before the surgery, every day I received text messages from my friends to support me and cheer me up. During nine months, they were there to remind me take the medicines three times in a day (doctor said that if I forgot to take the medicines in a schedule, a more serious treatment should be taken). Besides, they were there to accompany me in the night at my rented room for months. To make sure that I was not worried anymore, I did not cry, I could sleep and close my eyes in the night.